My beloved spiritual children in Christ Our Only True God and Our Only True Savior,
CHRIST IS IN OUR MIDST! HE WAS, IS, AND EVER SHALL BE. Ο ΧΡΙΣΤΟΣ ΕΝ ΤΩ ΜΕΣΩ ΗΜΩΝ! ΚΑΙ ΗΝ ΚΑΙ ΕΣΤΙ ΚΑΙ ΕΣΤΑΙ.
SAINT JOHN CHRYSOSTOM AND FAMILY LIFE, THE CONTEMPORARY CRISIS
The institution of the family is in a state of crisis throughout the world today. Saint John Chrysostom is regarded as the one who developed the theology of everyday life. This article presents position and counsels of Saint John Chrysostom regarding the most important aspect of everyday life, the family.
God, knowing beforehand what would happen after the creation of humans, created them biologically ready for the "communion of marriage." Creation refers, initially, only to Adam. "When Adam lay down to sleep, the woman was created." St. John Chrysostom notes that Moses does not use the word "create" ('επλασεν) when he speaks of Eve, but rather the verb, "build" (ωκοδόμησεν), wanting to show that she came from the same substance as Adam, not from some other substance. So the woman is not inferior or lacking in something, in relation to Adam. She is a perfect human being, and equal in value to him. Knowing beforehand that the first-created ones would fall, God invented marriage and their need for mutual consolation.
Before their disobedience and departure from the life of Paradise, marriage did not exist. The first-created ones lived a virginal life, imitating the life of the Angels. Saint John Chrysostom says, "sexual relations began after the transgression; until then they lived as Angels within Paradise, without burning with fleshly desire, nor being besieged by other passions, nor by being pressured by physical needs, but since they were created completely incorrupt and immortal, they did not need to wear clothing. Before sin and transgression entered, they were clothed with divine glory, which is why, even though they were naked, they were not ashamed." The first-created ones did not manage to preserve this higher life for themselves. They proved themselves unworthy of the great gifts that God gave to them...
"...Saint John Chrysostom, as all of the Holy Fathers of the Church, accepts that sexual relations have their place only within marriage and not outside of it. Those who depreciate (who abhor) marriage, according to Saint John, perform a "satanic" and "inhuman" work, and disrespect the gift of God, the root of our own birth. Commenting on Genesis, the first book of the Old Testament, he notes that the "sexual relations" of couples is not sufficient for the birth of children. The help of God is also necessary, "the cooperation from above, which moves nature "towards birth." Marriage does not necessarily result in the birth of children, but only the word of God that said, "increase and multiply and fill the earth." And those have gotten married, but not become fathers, attest to this."
"...Saint John refers to the example of the pair of holy Apostles, Akyla and Priscilla who, though they were responsible over a tent-making workshop, did not let anything get in the way of their keeping God's Commandments with precision, as to the monks. If marriage was an obstacle to virtue, then God, Who instituted marriage, is to blame. The Saint notes, "don't regard marriage as an obstacle in pleasing God...for if marriage, my beloved one, and the upbringing of children was an obstacle on the road to virtue, the Creator would not have introduced it into our life...if we are willing to struggle, it is not at all an obstacle to our Christian life." "For if we are vigilant, if we are alert, neither marriage, nor childbearing, nor anything else will be able to keep us from becoming pleasing to God."
He accepts, however, that the pains and struggles that married people must undertake for their salvation are greater than the pains and struggles of the monks. The greater pains, however, will be rewarded with "brighter crowns." If married people are not absorbed by the hunt for material goods if they use material goods and don't misuse them, then marriage does not become an obstacle. It is man's inclination to misuse marriage that becomes an obstacle. "With temperance in marriage, you will be first in the Kingdom and will partake of all of the [heavenly] goods."
Marriage, the "Great Mystery"
The Apostle Paul describes marriage as a "great mystery." In Saint John Chrysostom, we find the first extensive analysis of the mysterious character of marriage. Marriage is a Mystery of the Church and presupposes the presence of Christ. Marriage is a type of the Church. Just as Eve came from the side of Adam while he was sleeping, in the same way the Church came from Christ, Who was dead on the Cross, from the punctured side of Christ, "blood and water" came out, from which the Church was born. In the mystery of marriage, Christ is present. In what way? With the "water" of baptism we are reborn, and with the "blood" of Christ in the Holy Eucharist, we are spiritually fed. Consequently, the husband and wife are members of the Body of Christ. From this comes the commandment of the holy Apostle Paul, that men have the obligation to love their wives "as they love their own bodies."
Presupposition for a Successful Marriage
A successful marriage is one that regards success in terms of virtue rather than wealth. The husband must have a virtuous soul, goodness, prudence, and fear of God. Saint John says, "A young woman who is prudent, independent, and cultivates piety, is as valuable as the whole world." "Many people who had amassed a great fortune lost it all, for they didn't have a sensible wife capable of preserving it."
Saint John Chrysostom, with his emphasis on love, essentially says that spouses need to learn to forgive and to be tolerant of one another. The more mature of the two needs to take the first step. Within a marriage, it does not matter who erred or why they did something. What is important is who attempts to fix the situation in the quickest manner. "Let us be tolerant," the Saint says, "of one another, with love. How is it possible to be tolerant if you are angry and foul-mouthed? Say the way: with love. If you can't tolerate your neighbor, how will God tolerate you? If you can't bear the person who is your co-struggler, how will the Lord tolerate you?"
The Upbringing of Children
An aspect of the family that particularly concerned Saint John Chrysostom was that of children and young people. The older generation is responsible for the good or bad spiritual state of young people. They live, develop, and are shaped in the environment of the older generation.
Saint John offers incomparable description and analyses of the state of the young people of his age. He writes, "Youth is a difficult time of life, when one is unstable and easily tricked, prone to failing. It's an age that requires a very strong bridle." "Youth is a wild thing…it is like an untamed horse and a wild beast." It is a fire that is easily spread and burns up everything. It is like a storm on the open sea, because of its foolishness and natural instability. There are people who do foul things worse than those done by wild donkeys, living as though in a desert and kicking. It is in this state that most young people find themselves. This is why the Saint said, "Our primary concern is the family, the children. All things are secondary to the care of our children."
The development of the child's character takes place through the parents. Checks are necessary, but with discernment. They need to be done in such a way that the child is able to assimilate them and to acquire the necessary internal structure that will facilitate the development and completion of his personality. As Saint John says: When the father of a very gentle child only gives him sweets, refreshments, and whatever he likes when he's ill, but not what he actually needs for his sickness: or if a doctor checks him out and confesses, "What can I do? I can't stand to see the child cry." Poor, foolish traitor! The only name I can't give such a person is that of father. How much better it would be to you if you upset your child a little so that he might be healthy for all time, rather than making this fleeting pleasure the foundation for continuous sorrow.
With the satisfaction of the child's every desire, we make him egocentric and with such a character, he will be unhappy in the world. The Saint encourages, "be like sculptor and make every effort to make your children wonderful sculpture that looks like God. It will happen if you take away everything that is unnecessary, if you add whatever is necessary, and if you check daily to see what physical defects they have that you can fix...
"...The child's spiritual development must be the parent's main concern. Children should learn more than letters and arts to earn a living, but need to be fed with "the wisdom and counsel of the Lord." Saint John insists, "I am not telling you to keep your child from getting married and send him into the desert, or to force him to become a monk. No, this is not what I'm telling you. Certainly, I would be glad for it and my wish is that everyone would decide to become a monk. But because it seems to be heavy, I don't insist. So raise an athlete of Christ and teach him like a person of the world to be pious from an early age."
In today's era of the crisis of institutions and values, in this age of the rejection of all things, the institution of marriage is greatly under attack. In Northern Europe it has nearly disintegrated. Marriages only take place for the sake of custom, for tradition, so that people can take photographs, and so they can have a party. Many of these marriages last for six months, for a year. Eponymous artists don't merely say that they don't want to have a family, but that their goal is the disintegration of families. These are the role models for today's children.
Modern people face problems and crises of values, of institutions, in society, and existentially when they voluntarily cut themselves off from the Orthodox Christian tradition. For the Orthodox Christian, this tradition is precious, is priceless, is an ancestral inheritance. For this reason, anyone that rejects it is essentially rejecting his ontological being and he faces a great crisis of self-consciousness.
Only he who is in harmony with and lives the Orthodox Christian tradition according to the precepts of our Saints, according to the Commandments of Christ, is the mature person who cannot be shaken by any sadness or crisis. He lives the life of Christ outside of every ethical system or sense of obligation. He lives in Christ twenty four hours a day. He lives in God within daily life, in the family, in his work, in society...we need to be grace-filled believers, vessels of Divine grace. (Source: Mount Athos - Wisdom - Holiness. Pastoral Care/ Pastoral Theology)
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"Glory Be To GOD For All Things!"--Saint John Chrysostom
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With sincere agape in His Holy Diakonia,
The sinner and unworthy servant of God
+Father George