My beloved spiritual children in Christ Our Only True God and Our Only True Savior,CHRIST IS IN OUR MIDST! HE WAS, IS, AND EVER SHALL BE.
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THE LIFE AND STRUGGLES OF OUR HOLY MOTHER THE SAINTS MARY OF EGYPT COMMEMORATED ON THE FIFTH SUNDAY OF GREAT AND HOLY LENT
Saint Mary reveals her life to Abba (Father) Zosimas. "My native land, holy father, was Egypt. Already during the lifetime of my parents, when I was twelve (12) years old, I renounced their love and went to Alexandria. I am ashamed to recall how there I at first ruined my maidenhood and then unrestrainedly and insatiably gave myself up to sensuality...Four about seventeen (17) years, forgive me, I lived like that. I was like a fire of public debauch. And it was not for the sake of gain--here I speak the pure truth. Often when they wished to pay me, I refused the money. I acted in this way so as to make as many men as possible try to obtain me, doing free of charge what gave me pleasure. Do not think that I was rich and that was the reason why I did not take money. I lived by begging, often by spinning flax, but I had an insatiable desire and an irrepressible passion for lying in filth. This was life to me. Every kind of abuse of nature I regarded as life.
"That is how I lived. Then one summer I saw a large crowd of Libyans and Egyptians running toward the sea. I asked one of them: 'Where are these men hurrying to?' He replied: 'They are all going to Jerusalem for the Exaltation of the Precious and Life-Giving Cross, which takes place in a few days.' I said to him: 'Will they take me with them if I wish to go?' And he remarked: 'No one will hinder you if you have money to pay for the journey and for food.' Then, I said to him: 'To tell you the truth, I have no money, neither food. But I shall go with them and shall go aboard. And they shall feed me, whether they want to or not. I have a body--they shall take it instead of pay for the journey.' I was suddenly filled with a desire to go, Abba (Father), to have more lovers who could satisfy my passion. I told you, Abba (Father) Zosimas, not to force me to tell you of my disgrace. God is my witness, I am afraid of defiling you and the very air with my words.'
Zosimas, weeping, replied to her, "Speak on for God's sake, mother, speak and do not break the thread of such an edifying tale." And resuming her story, she went on: 'That youth, on hearing my shameless words, laughed and went off, while I, throwing away my spinning wheel, ran off towards the sea in the direction that everyone seemed to be taking. And seeing some young men standing on the shore, about ten of them, full of vigor and alert in their movements, I decided that they would do for my purpose (it seemed that some of them were waiting for more travelers whilst others had gone ashore). Shamelessly, as usual, I mixed with the crowd, saying: 'Take me with you to the place you are going to; you will not find me superfluous.' I also added a few more words calling forth general laughter. Seeing my readiness to be shameless, they readily took me aboard the boat. Those that were expected came also, and we set sail at once…
At last, we arrived in Jerusalem. I spent the days before the festival in the town, living the same kind of life, perhaps even worse. I was not content with the youth I had seduced at sea and who had helped me to get to Jerusalem; many others--citizens of the town and foreigners--I also seduced.
"The holy day of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross dawned while I was still flying about--hunting for youths. At daybreak, I saw that everyone was hurrying to the church (Holy Sepulchre), so I ran with the rest. When the hour for the holy Elevation approached, I was trying to make my way in with the crowd that was struggling to get through the church doors. I had at last squeezed through with great difficulty almost to the entrance of the church, from which the Life-Giving Tree of the Cross was being shown to the people. But when I trod on the doorstep which everyone passed, I was stopped by some force which prevented my entering. Meanwhile, I was brushed aside by the crowd and found myself standing alone on the porch. Thinking that this had happened because of my woman's weakness, I again began to work my way into the crowd, trying to elbow myself forward. But in vain I struggled. Again my feet trod on the doorstep over which others were entering the church without encountering any obstacle. I alone seemed to remain unaccepted by the church. I was as if there was a detachment of soldiers standing there to oppose my entrance. Once again, I was excluded by the same mighty force, and again I stood on the porch.
"Having repeated my attempt three or four times, at last, I felt exhausted and had no more strength to push and to be pushed, so I went aside and stood in a corner of the porch. And only then with great difficulty, it began to dawn on me, and I began to understand the reason why I was prevented from being admitted to see the Life-Giving Cross. The word of salvation gently touched the eyes of my heart. And I stood weeping when I saw above me the icon of the Most Holy Mother of God. And turning to her my bodily and spiritual eyes, I said: 'O Lady, Mother of God, who gavest birth in the flesh to God the Logos/Word, I know, O how well I know, that it is no honor or praise to you when one so impure and depraved as I looks up to your icon, O Ever-Virgin, who did keep your body and soul in purity. Rightly do I inspire hatred and disgust before your virginal purity. But I have no other help. Order the entrance of the church to be opened to me. Allow me to see the Venerable Tree on which He Who was born of you suffered in the flesh and on which He shed His Holy Blood for the redemption of sinners and for me, unworthy as I am. Be my faithful witness before your Son that I will never again defile my body by the impurity of fornication, but as soon as I have seen the Tree of the Cross, I will renounce the world and its temptations and will go wherever you will lead me.'
"Thus I spoke and, as if acquiring some hope in firm faith and feeling some confidence in the mercy of the Mother of God, I left the place where I stood praying. And I went again and mingled with the crowd that was pushing its way into the church. And now no one seemed to thwart me, no one hindered my entering the church. I was possessed with trembling and was almost in delirium. Having got as far as the doors that I could not reach before--as if the same force that had hindered me cleared the way for me--I now entered without difficulty and found myself within the holy place. And thus I saw the Life-Giving Cross. I beheld, too, the Mysteries of God and how the Lord accepts repentance. Throwing myself on the ground, I worshipped that holy earth and kissed it with trembling. Then I came out of the church and went to her, (the icon of the Theotokos on the porch of the church) who had promised to be my security, to the place where I had sealed my vow. And bending my knees before the Virgin Mother of God, I addressed to her such words as these: 'O loving Lady, you have shown me your great love for all men. Glory to God Who receives the repentance of sinners through you. What more can I recollect or say, I who am so sinful? It is time for me, O Lady, to fulfill my vow, according to your witness. Now lead me by the hand along the path of repentance!' And at these words, I heard a voice from on high: 'If you will cross the River Jordan, you will find glorious rest!'
"Hearing this voice and having faith that it was for me, I cried to the Mother of God: 'O Lady, Lady, do not forsake me!' With these words I left the porch of the church, a stranger glanced at me and gave me three coins, saying: 'Sister, take these.' And, taking the money, I bought three loaves of bread and took them on my journey, as a blessed gift. I asked the person who sold the bread: 'Which is the way to the Jordan?' I was directed to the city gate that led that way. Running on, I passed the gates and, still weeping, went on my journey. Of them that I met I asked the way, and, after walking for the rest of that day (I think it was nine o'clock when I saw the Cross), I at length reached, at sunset, the church of Saint John the Baptist which stood on the banks of the river Jordan. After praying in the church, I went down to the Jordan and rinsed my face and hands in its holy waters. I partook of the Holy and Life-Giving Mysteries (Sacraments) in the church of Saint John the Baptist and Forerunner and ate half of one of my loaves. Then, after drinking some water from Jordan, I lay down and passed the night on the ground. In the morning I found a small boat and crossed to the opposite bank. I again prayed to our Lady to lead me whither she wished. Then I found myself in this desert, and, since then up to this very day, I am estranged from everyone. And I live here clinging to my God Who gives all that turn to Him from faintheartedness and storms."
Zosimas asked her: 'How many years have gone by since you did begin to live in this desert?' She replied: "Forty-seven years have already gone by, I think, since I left the Holy City." (Source: The Lives of the Saints of the Holy Land and the Sinai Desert)
(To be continued)
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"Glory Be To GOD For All Things!" -- Saint John Chrysostom
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With sincere agape in His Holy Diakonia (Ministry),
The sinner and unworthy servant of God
+ Father George